The “This Is TNA” Crater

With that said, let’s go!

The show opens with Eric Young surrounded by a bunch of dogs. He throws to a video package that features flowers blossoming, suns rising, and rockets taking off. TNA wrestlers are thrown in there for some added effect. The package proclaims that “this is the future” while showing pictures of Christian Cage, Kurt Angle, Sting, and Scott Steiner.

Match Numero Uno: Sting vs. Christian (c) vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Abyss w/ Jim Mitchell vs. Ron Killings for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship in a King of the Mountain Match

The rules are “simple.” When you get pinned, you have to go in to a penalty box for two minutes. The person who gets pinned becomes eligible to climb a ladder and ahng the NWA Title belt from the roof. The person who hangs the title wins.

As you can imagine, it starts off as a huge cluster of brawling. Killings and Christian look like they’re going to double team Jarrett, but the Truth turns on his opponent and superkicks him. Xian responds by throwing his man out of the ring, and now we’ve got Cage vs. Jarrett in mid-ring. Double J is clotheslined out as well, and Christian flattens him with a tope to the floor. Sting, Killings, and Abyss have hit the ring now, and the babyfaces ping pong the big man before gouging his eyes. Killings hits the axe kick to dispatch Abyss, and then he gets a massive no hands dive to everybody on the floor. Sting, not to be outdone, leaps off the top of the penalty box and levels all four of his opponents. He takes Jarrett in to the ring after that, and it’s time for the BACK RAKE~! A Stinger Splash follows, and then Kilings hits JJ with a missile dropkick for three. Sting didn’t break it up, presumably because he’s more concerned with dicking over Jarrett than winning the title himself. Jim Mitchell is setting up tables on the outside of the ring for no announced reason.

Back on the inside, Christian hits Killings with a ladder, but Abyss takes over on the former Intercontinental Champion. The Monster chokes away at his smaller opponent, and there’s a press slamm attempt. Christian reverses it in to a rollup, though, and that’s a quick three count. Abby levels Cage before he gets locked away, and I wonder if it’s legal for Abyss and Jarrett to fight in the cage since their penalties overlap. The question is never answered, as Abyss just allows Jeff to leave. How un-monster-like. We get a commercial break, and Jarrett and Abyss are laying out faces with a ladder when we return. Ron Killings makes an incredibly stupid move by jumping on to the ladder while they hold it, so the bad guys just catapult him down to the floor. The distraction allows Christian to make a comeback, though, dropkicking the ladder in to the heels and then sandwiching Jarrett between its rungs. Abyss grabs him in the middle of that, and the two somehow wind up tumbling over the top rope. Everybody’s down save for Killings, so he attempts to hang the belt. Unfortunately, he’s just too slow, and Abyss shoves over the ladder. Jarrett prevents Abyss from doing anything further, though he eats a Black Hole Slam and gets pinned. The monster starts climbing a ladder, but Sting shoves it over and sends Abyss crashing through the tables that his manager set up a few moments ago. That leaves Sting and Christian in the ring, and Cage eats the Splash before getting tied in the Scorpion Deathlock. Jarrett tries to hang the belt while the hold is applied, but Sting breaks it up to go after Mr. Borden. Jarrett responds by wacking him with the belt repeatedly and goes for the guitar. Christian prevents that, and Double J eats the Scorpion Deathdrop. Cage attempts to hang the belt, but TNA heel commissioner Larry Zbyszko hits the ring and low blows him for no good reason. Sting dispatches of him and hits a second Deathdrop on Jarrett to get a three count. The Stinger’s efforts to hang the belt are cut off by Xian, though, and the two men brawl at the top of the ladder. Then, out of nowhere, referee Earl Hebner shoves over the ladder . . . also for no good reason. That allows Jeff Jarrett to climb up and hang the belt, which results in his winning the match and a ton of water bottles being thrown in to the ring.

Match Thoughts: You can’t go in to a five man gimmick match expecting an all time classic contest, but this was good enough when you take it for what it was. The big spots were all timed fairly well, and at no point was there too much going on for anybody to keep track of, which is the main trapping of these bouts involving several men. That’s one of the benefits of the incredibly convoluted King of the Mountain rules, as there will generally ben an excuse for one or two men to be out of the action and in the penalty box. The real MVP of the match was Sting, as I can’t imagine that he’s doing half of the things that he does in the ring at his age. He didn’t just take a dive off of the penalty box, but he also took a bump off of a falling ladder. That may not result in him being inducted in to MENSA anytime soon, but it is respectable on some level. **1/2

Now it’s time for a special look at the celebrities and big name wrestlers that have appeared in TNA, including: Roddy Piper, a bunch of baseball players, Chris Rock, Brian Urlacher, Johnny Fairplay, The Roadwarriors, Bobby Heenan, Scott Hall, Buff Bagwell, ICP, Tito Ortiz, Randy Savage, DDP, Tom Arnold, Dennis Rodman, Hulk Hogan, and Ken Shamrock. What a completely random-ass collection of men.

We also get a best of Paparazzi Productions video package, which is great because it puts over the vastly underappreciated Alex Shelley. Sting is stalked, Chrsitian’s wife is stalked, and Bubba Dudley’s uncle is choked.

Eric Young is still with his dogs. I like Eric Young, and I like dogs, but this isn’t working.

Oh, did I mention we’re also counting down the five greatest moments in TNA history on this show? It looks like this footage is being taken from the TNA 50 Greatest Moments DVD that was recently released, which makes me wonder why anybody would want to buy that product now since the blowoff is being given away on free TV. Number five is Christian Cage making his first appearance with the company, and the other four will be coming up later in the show.

After a break, we get the fourth greatest moment in TNA history. It’s AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels in their three-way match at Unbreakable. The match isn’t shown in full, which is smart. You’re already giving away some good matches on this show, so why give away the best match in company history? They may as well try to sell some DVDs while they’re here.

Here’s a video package on the Ultimate X Match. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before if you’re a regular TNA viewer. A package on the Six Sides of Steel Match follows. The same promo aired before one of the recent TNA cage matches, though I can’t recall which one it was.

Match Numero Dos: LAX (Hernandez & Homicide) w/ Konnan vs. Christopher Daniels & AJ Styles (c) for the NWA Tag Team Championship in a Six Sides of Steel Match

Just like in every TNA match ever, all of the competitors brawl to start things off. The first big offensive move is a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Daniels on Homicide, and then the good guys get a drop toe hold/kneedrop/elbow drop combo on Hernandez. The Angel follows up with a leg lariat, and now for some reason Homicide and Styles are standing on the ring apron awaiting tags. I have a feeling that won’t last. Cide and AJ tag in now, with the Georgian hitting a dropkick and bringing in his partner for a back suplex/clothesline combo. That gets two. Styles is back in the ring now, but he’s taken down as we go to commercial. When we come back, it looks like everybody has already given up on the tag rules. AJ is climbing the side of the cage while everybody else lays around. Homicide eventually follows the Phenomenal One up, and he’s bleading. Daniels, also bleeding, joins the cluster on the cage . . . and here’s Hernandez. Ultimately, the big man winds up hitting a powerbomb that pries Homicide and Daniels off of the cage, though he’s he by a MASSIVE cross body from Styles. It only manages to get two as Homicide makes the save. Everybody sells for a little bit, and then Cide gives AJ the Diamond Cutter. A second later, Daniels hits the DVD. A second later, Hernandez hits the Cracker Jack. Hotstuff climbs now, heading to the top of the cage . . . BUT HE MISSES A HUGE SPLASH! He landed badly, too. The poor schmuck could’ve blown out both of his knees. In the midst of more brawling, Konnan slips Homicide a wire coat hanger, and that is used to choke Daniels. After a little bit, Styles manages to rally and lay out the Latinos, including a facebuster on Cide. He goes for the Styles Clash, but Hernandez cuts it off with a HUGE lariat. There’s a Cop Killa, and there’s the victory for the Latinos.

Match Thoughts: This one feels like it was edited down quite a bit more than the majority of the matches on the special. Like I alluded to at the outset of the play be play, I’m not a huge fan of the fact that rules of the match were completely ignored about halfway through. If the men know that they can get away without making tags, why would they ever start off doing it? Aside from that one flaw, this was fine, high impact action. Everybody had their working shoes on, particularly Shawn Hernandez, who I become more impressed by every time I watch him. The first couple of times that I saw the guy wrestle, I thought that he was just impressive because he was a large man in a small man’s promotion and got to take a lot of liberties with people as a result. However, the more that I see of him the more that I realize he’s a fine professional wrestler in his own right. He’s not as good as Daniels, Styles, or Homicide, but he certainly didn’t look out of place in there with them either. And, in large part due to his highspots and his being in the right place at the right time, this was one helluva tag team cage match, even if it didn’t come close to the levels of the AMW versus Triple X encounters that helped to put TNA on the man amongst “smart” fans. ***1/4

And the third greatest moment in TNA history is: Jeff Jarrett laying out Hulk Hogan in Japan. I’m actually surprised that TNA doesn’t use this footage more often, as it shows one of the three biggest stars in wrestling history being laid out by a TNA guy.

Match Numero Tres: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett (c) for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship

Kurt Angle is at ringside as the “special guest enforcer.” We’ve got a lockup to start. Hey, at least they didn’t run at each other and immediately start brawling. Double J gets an armdrag and a headlock to kick off the actual offense, and there’s another armdrag. Boy does this seem slow after the two gimmick matches to open up the program. Both men are laying down when we come back from a break. God forbid that they schedule the ads to run at the same time as the resting. Angle makes himself somewhat useful by slamming the referee before he can reach the double ten count, thereby preventing a draw. As soon as that happen, both competitors pop up and start trading punches. Sting gets in an inverted atomic drop and a couple of clotheslines before hitting the Splash and the Deathdrop. Jarrett barely escapes a lateral press, and then he comes back with the Stroke. Sting, as you can imagine, is also out at two. Now the champion goes for a tombstone, but Sting reverses it in to one of his own. That also won’t get the job done on Jarrett. In Mexico or Memphis, he’d be legally dead. Stinger tries to keep his advantage going by heading to the top rope, but Jarrett cuts him off with a low blow. JJ goes for a Super Stroke from the second rope, but it’s blocked. The Stinger looks for an Ultimate Warrior style splash, but it hits nothing but knee. That sets up the figure four leglock, though the challenger just won’t tap out. Sting tries to fight his way out of it, though Jarrett holds on and applies his own version of the ankle lock right in Kurt Angle’s face. Sting eventually rolls through the hold, sending Jarrett to the floor. Sting grabs his bat, but Kurt Angle grabs it. The distraction allows JJ to grab his guitar and hit Sting . . . but it’s NO SOLD~! Sting flexes, puts on the Deathlock, and we’ve got a new NWA Champion, though it wouldn’t last for long.

Match Thoughts: I remember that this one got a lot of shit when it first aired, but I don’t think that it was that bad of a match. Sure, it was an old school encounter, but it was a decent old school encounter. The Stinger appeared to be in top notch condition, and Jarrett was willing to play ball as he always is. Granted, the crowd wasn’t in to it, but that’s TNA’s fault for booking this to go on at the end of a pay per view that had roughly twenty street fights on it. I don’t want to blame the wrestlers for the company’s lousy booking, so I’m not going to penalize them for the lack of heat. Besides, even if the body of the match didn’t garner much of a reaction, the place EXPLODED when Sting no sold that guitar shot. There’s a simple principle of old school booking that a lot of people forget about these days: If you take a spot and have it beat people 99.9% of the time, there will be a massive reaction the 0.1% of the time that somebody is able to power out of it. Here nobody had ever kicked out of a Jeff Jarrett guitar shot, so Sting finally managing to do that deed turned this in to a huge spot and a great finish. **

Match Numero Cuatro: Christian vs. Rhino in an Eight Mile Street Fight

We’re not even going to start this in the ring, apparently. Rhino throws Christian in to some vars on the outside of the building. Careful, guys. If you break those, they’re not going to get replaced by American labor. We’ve got some punching and some kicking and a lot of Cage being thrown in to random objects. We’re in the arena now, and the two men brawl on top of a zamboni. Steven Austin would be proud, as Rhino turns on the vehicle and drives it out in to the crowd. After a few Rhino punches, Christian bumps off of the zamboni and down on to the floor. After a break, the two men are slugging it out on the ring apron, and there’s a ton of plunder in the ring. Hey, there’s a table at ringside. Hey, Rhino piledrives his opponent off of the apron and through the furniture. That seemingly came out of nowhere. The War Machine eventually gets his opponent back in to the ring, but Cage manages to get his foot on the ropes at two. I don’t understand why that wasn’t just the finish. Rhino tries to put his man away with the Gore, but Cage sidesteps and sends his man through another table. Rhino’s out of two, and I don’t understand why that wasn’t just the finish. Unprettier by Christian on to a piece of table . . . and a two count. I don’t understand why that wasn’t just the finish. Now Xian piles up all of the plunder in the ring on to the body of his fallen opponent, and he beats the pile of wood and metal with a chair. Cage covers, and that IS the finish.

Match Thoughts: Overkill. Complete and utter overkill. There were at least three if not four spots there that could and/or should have been a finish, but these two guys just wouldn’t end the match for whatever reason. This seemed particularly ridiculous when part of the match’s story was that Rhino had a massive head injury that should have prevented him from competing. When something like that happens at the end of the match, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and completely destroys any good that may have come before it. DUD

Number 2 on the greatest moments countdown: Sting comes to TNA.

Match Numero Cinco: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

Lockup to start, and Angle pushes Joe back in to the corner. The “This is Awesome” chants have started already. There’s a single leg by Angle, but Joe makes the ropes before anything more can be done. Another takedown attempt by Angle gets turned in to some Joe kneelifts, and the big man stomps his opponent as he lays prone on the ground. Joe goes for an Irish whip, but Angle blocks it and gets the first belly to belly of the match. A clothesline sends Joe out to the floor, and I’m conditioned to expect a commercial break right there. It doesn’t happen. Instead, Angle tries to follow Joe out . . . only to be grabbed by the legs and FLUNG in to the security railing. The Samoan tosses his opponent back in to the ring for a two count, and now we’ve got a series of European uppercuts from the gold medalist. He runs shoulder first in to the ringpost, though, and Kurt is laid out on the arena floor one more time. TOPE SUICIDA BY JOE~! Okay, here’s our commercial break. We’re back in the ring once it’s done, and Angle is bleeding as Joe looks for the Kokina Clutch. It’s reversed and turned in to an Angle Slam, though that only results in a two count. Here’s our Ankle Lock attempt, and Joe spends a small eternity in the hold before turning it in to the Kokina Clutch. That’s reversed again, and we’ve got another ankle lock. Joe ultimately rolls through and sends his man in to the buckles, but his blind charge results in his hitting the buckles as well. Here’s Angle Slam number two, which sets up the ankle lock and the heel hook. Joe, after barely missing out on making the ropes, taps. The eighteen month long undefeated streak of Samoa Joe is over.

Match Thoughts: The general consensus on this match after the Genesis pay per view was that it was good but not nearly as good as you would have expected a Kurt Angle versus Samoa Joe match to be, particularly because of the length. I can see where people would make that assessment, though I expected it to not be as good as it could have been just because you knew there would be a rematch later on down the road. If you know that you’re going to do a rematch, you’re not going to give everything that you can. You have to leave something for the second match so that the fans aren’t disappointed when match number two doesn’t quite live up to match number one. As far as the in-ring in this bout was concerned, I thought that it was passable. So much of the drama here was built up by the atmosphere, so my opinion is a little bit biased by the fact that we’re no well removed from the “magic” that surrounded the hype of the first Joe/Angle encounter. (This is only compounded by the fact that the rest of the feud wound up sucking and sucking hard.) Strip away that magic, and you’re left with what was a good but not great encounter that relied on counters of two main holds just a little too much for its own good. ***

But that’s not all, folks! Here’s a video package on TNA’s bloodiest moments.

Eric Young still has his dogs.

Mike Tenay is in the ring, and he announces that “Elevation X” will be the name of the new TNA gimmick match that debuts on the next pay per view. He doesn’t explain what it actually is, but he drops the name. That seems like a bit of a ripoff when you consider the fact that they’ve been hyping out this wacky new bout for the entire show. Iron Mike is about to throw to the top moment in TNA history, but he’s interrupted by Christian Cage. Xian runs down Tenay, which is great because it gives Mike the opportunity to do his comically overblown indignant look. Sadly, Tenay backs down without a fight, and Christian tells us that he knows what the top moments in TNA history are. He thinks that they should be his two title victories. He gloats a little bit more and throws to the top moment on his own . . . but apparently it’s a tie. The first number one is the debut of Impact on SpikeTV. Christian is shown in the arena, looking none too happy with that choice. Also tied at number one is Kurt Angle’s debut, which pisses Christian off even more. The show closes with Cage standing in the ring looking embarrassed. Well, that was a flat ending to the program.

Overall

As a stand alone show for somebody who already watches TNA, this was a pretty fun program. It was a sampling of matches that you would’ve had to have paid about $120 to see in their first run, and it’s always nice when you can (legally) get something like that for free. It also served as a nice promotional tool for selling DVDs to current TNA viewers, as after seeing a clipped up version of LAX versus Daniels and Styles I’m willing to plunk down a little bit of cash to catch the full thing.

As far as the show’s effectiveness as a promotional tool goes, I don’t know what to think. On one hand, it did a good job of promoting TNA pay per views as events with exciting matches that are definitely different than what you’ll see on the typical WWE PPV. However, if the idea was to convince people to watch Impact on a regular basis, this special may have done more harm than good. People will NEVER see this level of wrestling on Impact, particularly under Vince Russo. So, assuming that there were “new fans” hooked by the action that they saw here, they may well be turned off when they catch the typical episode of Impact and it contains nothing but two minute match segments buttressed by ridiculous angles involving Abyss shooting his father and Eric Young buying condoms with Jeremy Borash.

Then again, the show only did a 1.2 rating, so I somehow doubt that it succeeded in drawing in many new fans. Oh well . . . good try, TNA . . .